WELCOME TO YOUR PERSONAL EXECUTIVE FLIGHT (SPENDING THE KIDS INHERITANCE)

Hello all

BEWARE WILD ANIMALS - It's a game reserve. What do you expect cats and rabbits?

Manda was showing someone a few of her photos yesterday and I had forgotten how much these two signs from SA made me laugh:

The thought police are watching you!!!! It's 1984 for real

We hope you are all well and that you are coping with the joys of a northern hemisphere winter unless you are living like us in sunnier climes. As we are right on the equator we are regular hemisphere hoppers if there is such a thing. The dry season of constant 30+ C and no rain appears to be ending. We are now feeling cold this evening but Manda tells me the temperature is 27C. How crazy is that?

This blog contains the usual mix of Manda's animal pics plus people and Spencer's ramblings

After the hurly burly of Christmas and New Year in England seeing as many people as possible we eventually flew back to Kampala after a quick debrief at WaterAid headquarters in London.

The dry season is well named but you do get used to 36C quite quickly. Unfortunately I get very little airflow in my office so I wilt a bit in the afternoon. Manda goes to the room with air conditioning (grrr!!)

Work has been a bit difficult as I try to work out my role with the head of finance but a major part now is ensuring the relocation to new offices goes smoothly. Having been involved with my old firm's move I have a pretty good idea of what is needed logistically but the landlord although very pleasant is not the easiest person to deal with as he changes his mind at short notice and doesn't communicate. He actually moved the position of an extension without telling us, and I thought the SA builders were difficult!!!

I also got the chance to go to Karamoja which is a desert area in the East bordered by South Sudan and Kenya. In the dry season it doesn't rain for about 3 months. Until only a few years ago it was bandit country so pretty unsafe. Interesting to stay at a hotel with no water, electricity, light, phone signal or internet. The executive room given to me ( as the mzungu -ie white man) backed on to the main road so apart from the lorries I was woken by a loud drunk lady ranting at some unearthly hour.

Karamajong Play Station

Mrs chief

The chief

This is how you do it. Karamojong bounce like the Masai

Umm!! This is not how you do it!!!

Manda is still woefully underemployed but some of you will have noticed her Facebook activity has exponentially increased.She also I think reads a book a day.

Having become Scottish dancers (for those at Redbridge Junior School, remember country dancing and whatever happened to Elizabeth Hussey?) it was only natural that we went to the Burns night and as a shameless ham actor I volunteered ,when asked, to recite a Burns poem. I was pleasantly surprised that I could learn it in a week so my brain cells haven't completely dried up yet. 'There was twa wives' is very rude but also very funny funny. Full of fornication,farting and an unfortunate ending. Google it.

There was as ever a lot of wine and whisky drunk so the dancing was certainly a bit wild. Got to bed at 3.00 in the morning.

We only have 3 weeks left so have started to cram in trips. 6-7 hours in the wild with a troop of chimpanzees was exhausting but a wonderful experience. One of the guides greeted me with 'Ah British , so its you we have to thank for deforesting the country for tea plantations'. You will be pleased to hear that I apologised on behalf of the nation

Yeah my contact lense has slipped

You looking at me?

Okay so time to explain the title of the blog. We also decided to go for a long weekend to a game reserve right on the South Sudan border which is a 12 hour drive away. Time to spend the kids inheritance we thought so booked a scheduled flight from Entebbe. Having arrived at the airport 10 minutes before close of check in we were shepherded through passport control and security having been given boarding passes 2 and 3. Should have suspected this was a bit odd. In the departure lounge we met an American lady going elsewhere but we assumed on the same flight. Then ludicrously an announcement was made over the tannoy for all passengers to board. The attendant knew we were the only passengers and we were sitting in front of her but rules are rules. Boarded the bus to drive to the plane and I stupidly joked about which plane would the American lady like. We stopped. She got off but we didn't. Another 50 metres and we arrived at our 10 seater plane. Welcome to your personal executive flight said one of the pilots and thus we flew 1 1/2 hours in our own private flight. No flight attendant - disgraceful!!!! PS On the way home we had two other passengers which we thought was outrageous.

Welcome . Pleased to see you have brought your own parachute

Sip a cold drink and the world passes by

Jackal on his lonesome

Look right, look left. Remember the Green Cross Code

We were looking for birds and two hyenas turned up

The lodge and reserve were beautiful. Only two other guests.Because of the dry weather the animals stayed near the water sources and a water hole next to the lodge meant you could sit and eat and watch the animal world pass by. Giraffes, various types of buck, warthogs, zebras, jackals, lots of birds, buffalo. We have a new love of the warthogs with their babies. Very cute indeed. Also a herd of about 2,000 buffalo. An incredible site. Not quite the Great Migration but...

At the lodge we had a lamplight dinner outside under the stars one evening. How romantic. Yes hard to believe but the Simmons' who didn't even send each other cards this year on Valentine's day let alone roses, chocolates or smellies, can do romantic.

As bona fide colonials now we also of course went to the Yacht club. Not quite as grand as it sounds. They race dinghies. Pleasant way to spend an afternoon apart from being bitten ( yet again and the third time) by safari ants. Very painful bites.Vicious little buggers who won't let go. The peak of my cap works well to remove them.

We have also visited Mboro reserve with a bird specialist and as ever saw tons of birds and many new ones for us.

It's a Robin. 

Hornbill

Kenyan national bird invades - Lilac breasted roller

Our final fling will be to go and see the Gorillas in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest. Must surely be the highlight of the 6 months. The chimpanzee tracking will have been good practice we hope.

We keep busy but it is nice, like today, to sit and do very little. Internet,read, do blog and watch the television which incredibly still only shows football  according to Manda.

Still don't know what happens next but I will make no predictions. I was the one who last time said  home for 6 months and look what happened!!!

Please ensure the weather warms up before we get home

Love to all

Spencer and Manda

Keep up kids. 

Next time I'll stick to to the trees

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE GERMAN, THE RUSSIAN AND THE ENGLISHMAN?

Hello all

Yes we're back and despite my promise (to Manda and myself that is) to be a bit more frequent in our postings, two months have passed. Very quickly I should add. So I am afraid this will be a bit lengthy, but what else would you rather be doing?

A quick piccie to start of a bird that usually doesn't sit and pose

No it hasn't just been dipped in a tin of paint.

We have settled in well. A bit about our work will follow but first back to the title.

Bear with me it's complicated and you couldn't make it up even if you tried. A German guy who works for one of our Partner NGOs,who I met for the first time for about 20 minutes a couple of weeks ago, asked as he was leaving, whether Manda and I would like to go to a St Andrew's Day ball organised by the Uganda Caledonian Society of which his wife, who is Russian, is the Secretary. Ok I said and a few days later we collected the tickets from an Indian restaurant (obviously). On arrival we find that every Thursday they do Scottish dancing there. So, two hours later after 8 dances and some very spicy Indian snacks we were both knackered. The last time I did country dancing was nearly 50 years ago at school and with my first girl friend, Elizabeth. English, South Africans, Americans, Dutch, Italians, Ugandans, French and even a Scots lady are involved in the society !!!!

The ball which started at 6.30 and finished at 1.00 in the morning was a crazy evening for nearly 200 people with enough wine and whiskey to sink a ship. Jonathan, Anne and any other whisky lovers, Manda will show you the list of lighter fluid, sorry whiskys that were sampled. Thankfully most people also had two left feet so we were not out of place and I only had one of those left feet trodden on. Although I did my best to tread on a few feet too! (The last sentence is Manda's edit so don't believe a word of it).

This is part of the crazy life of the expat in Uganda. For the two of us, who had the safety net of the other volunteers in South Africa to socialise with, we have found the need to be more proactive and get involved. We have joined a community called 'Inter Nations' a worldwide online organisation, which organises local events for interested expats.

In addition as you will all know I am a bit of a thespian and we have found the Kampala Amateur Dramatic Society which conveniently rehearses about 200 yards (or metres if yards confuse you) from where we are living. I am now stage managing the pantomime, Treasure Island at the National Theatre (I trust you are suitably impressed) and Manda is helping out back stage too. Oh yes she is!!!. Strangely enough at the National in London they are also doing Treasure Island. This week will be a very long one as we have rehearsals and five performances to deal with. Oh yes it will!!!

Okay time for some of Manda's pictures. As you would expect we have been out and about in the wilds. First up was a trip to the swamps near Entebbe airport:

A Shoebill with a face only a mother could love

Best picture possible in the middle of a swamp in the pouring rain. A saddlebill stork

Then the Botanical gardens and a trip to the lake where we managed to accidentally cross the border post and were then interrogated by two customs officers. Luckily they realised that we were just two stupid Mzungu (white folk) and actually gave us a guided tour of the port. In the middle of Lake Victoria are the borders with Tanzania and Rwanda. Whoops!!!

Then a trip to Murchison falls and game reserve:

Run away, it's those strange humans

Tower block apartments. One bed studios available

Celebrating Red Nose Day for Comic Relief!!!!!!!! In because a so much sharper picture than the last blog

And finally on the same day as the Caledonian ball at 6.30 in the morning we went to the chimpanzee sanctuary on an island on Lake Victoria. After a thorough rain drenching 45 minutes in a speed boat we arrived. The chimps are all rescued from illegal vendors and owners. They are kept away from humans in a small forest area of the island, to stop the spread of disease both ways, using an electric fence. It is very difficult to let them back into the wild but they are working on various projects to try and do this for some of them. There are about 50 of them and they are amazing to watch. One put his hand up to ask for food to be thrown towards him. Another used sticks to pull food from the wrong side of the fence. If the stick wasn't long enough he found a stick that was. We were only there two hours so we now want to go to a day in the wild where you follow a group from waking up to going to sleep.

I'm not moving so throw the food right here please

Now what did I do with that umbrella?

'That carrot will be mine', and it was

On the work front, things have got a bit complicated when the lady I was standing in for returned much earlier than expected, which is obviously a great thing but left matters regarding my role, up in the air. Thankfully I have been asked to stay on to help her ease back in and so it has been confirmed that we will be here till March as planned.

Both Manda and I have now travelled 'up country' to the North East which is a much drier area than Kampala. The issue of where to drill a borehole is complicated by the terrain and sadly by the politics in the area. There is still conflict between villages and it has been known for wells to be deliberately poisoned which is very sad. In addition villagers need to be trained to maintain facilities as sustainability is the key word. Rain water harvesting is also vital.

School dinners using a eucalyptus leaf as a spoon

Who needs words?????

But it is not just about water. Open defecation is a big problem. Villages try to became 'open defecation free' but this has been misunderstood to mean that you can defecate in the open for free!!!!


Then there are the schools where the toilets are minimal and in a dreadful state. I visited a school set up by the community where there were just two pit latrines for the whole school. The classrooms had no walls and the water supply was from a spring about a kilometre away. Both people and animals  use it for drinking and the villagers use it for washing in it as well.

Does his white skin feel the same as ours? The kids were scared to touch, then they all wanted to have a go!!!

Your water supply for an area covering several kilometres

I look like I am helping but this lady did it all by herself. It is really heavy. 

On a lighter note we had World Toilet Day a week or so ago. I hope when you went to the loo on 19th  November you remembered the millions who don't have facilities. Of course you did.At a comedy club evening for World Toilet day sponsored by WaterAid where Manda and I were the only   'Mzungu' in a crowd of several hundred people, which is a genteel word for white people here, we were the target for every comedian throughout the evening. We knew it was coming, so were happy to accept being the targets with good grace. It was also filmed for Ugandan TV. We will be signing autographs on request.

So what have we Mzungu learned about life in Uganda?

If we do something stupid then a Ugandan will apologise for example I banged my head entering the open classrooms seen above and straight away people said 'sorry'.

The South African 'Eesh' is replaced by 'Ehhhhh'

The word 'what' punctuates many sentences as in 'We have learned WHAT?' pause then the speaker answers themselves continues with their sentence, till the next 'what'. All very disconcerting especially when meeting officials. Add to this, when we think we are speaking clearly i.e. a mixture of cockney/Queens English, nobody understands us!!!

No day is complete without Break Tea. Yes, I have written it correctly. At about 10.30 there is a dash for the kitchen for ginger tea, cassava, peanuts, bread and bananas (the staple food). Around 11.30 our next snack arrives, we order a fruit platter each morning and for about 25p each, we get a platter with a delicious range of fresh fruit. Then around 2pm its lunch time when most people in the office have a hot lunch. Our sandwiches are laughed at.

In rural areas one has to find your way using anthills and mango trees. Signposts are not a requirement nor are road names/numbering or for that matter roads.

 The best time to drive in Kampala or east towards Kenya is not during the day. Kampala drivers are incredibly patient ie no constant hooting. However a single lane road can easily become a three or four lane road very quickly. The quickest way round a roundabout is the wrong way when on a boda boda motorcycle in heavy traffic.

A haircut, well for me a shave and eyebrow trim, costs £1 and you get a head massage thrown in. The best bargain in Kampala.

Well, I've bored you enough,  that is if you actually got to this point. We are home on 23 Dec to 7 Jan and hope to see as many people as possible.

As ever we are available on Skype, email and WHAT (pause) Manda is now a Facebook fanatic as she is not busy all the time. I am busy all the time now, of course.

xxx

Spencer and Manda

PS May we be the first to wish you all Happy Christmas, Chanukah and New Year

And finally:

The poor kids had to listen in the heat to me and about a dozen MPs preaching to them about how to get on in life. 

A strange day when I would rather talk about menstruation than having a conversation about football, but that is how bad the Orient are playing at the moment !!!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE THIS NOW WORKS!!!

Hello one and all ( are you still there?)
I will explain the title later but for those of you who probably didn't even know it we had an offer to come to Uganda tHelloo work for WaterAid in Kampala for 6 months and felt that the opportunity to work for an International NGO was an offer we couldn't refuse. Of course it had absolutely nothing to do with the chance to see gorillas and chimpanzees in the wild, more game reserves, the source of the Nile and raft grade 5 rapids at Jinja one of the thrill capitals of the world etc etc, well maybe not the last one!!!

Yes, just when you were having a nice break from us and getting on with life we are back in Africa volunteering again just 2 months after we got home from South Africa. You know and we know we are mad but nothing had come up in London ( not that we gave it much chance). So in a whirl of flight bookings , inductions at the London office, injections ie 6 in one day where I felt like a pin cushion, the realisation that I needed a new passport so had to go for the one day passport service, and saying hello and goodbye at the same  to lots people, I was whisked off to Ethiopia for 2 weeks. I'LL STOP THERE FOR A SECOND WHILST YOU GATHER YOUR BREATH.

I promise there will be some lovely Manda photos coming up but you have to sit through the
explanations first.Oh okay here we are:

The national bird of Uganda - A Crowned Crane 

 Yes ETHIOPIA, so you did read the above correctly, leaving Manda behind to eventually meet up with me in Kampala. WaterAid has regions and they had a 2 week conference for East Africa, firstly for the finance team and then the Regional team ,comprising Ethiopia, Tanzania, Rwanda and Uganda. My view of Ethiopia with all it's fascinating history was the inside of 3 different hotels and long days spent in airless conference halls with much talking. What an amazing country, so they tell me. Did get one night at a cultural evening of song and dance slightly ruined by the pompous rulers of the African Football Association making numerous presentations to themselves on the stage . Obviously lessons taken from the 'Official FIFA manual of gift giving' though the value of the gifts was not revealed.

So 2 weeks flashed by in a flash. Slightly wearily I boarded the flight to Entebbe. For those of a certain age the name Entebbe is of course remembered for the famous raid by Israeli commandos back in the 1970s. Today the most dangerous thing that happened was me landing closely followed by the President of Uganda arriving I assume in a private jet. I wonder if masked nurses checked his temperature for Ebola? And so it was that I was met by Manda and there were thousands of Ugandans cheering me along the route from the airport to Kampala. I assume they had all gone home when the President passed a bit later. Very nice of them to turn out, especially on a Saturday.

In Kampala we are living in a very comfortable flat/apartment in a hotel 5 minutes walk from the office serenaded by the obligatory loud Ibis', very excited male frogs (its the mating season again), resident cockerel, goats and birds plus,alas, plenty of mosquitos as we back on to a swamp. Lots of birds to see though. Skype tours are available assuming the internet is working which yesterday it wasn't but today is! Yes there are monkeys but they seem very well behaved so far.

A Woodland Kingfisher - on guard helping to keep the mosquito colony in check

I am acting Head of Finance as unfortunately the incumbent has been very unwell. Okay let's get the jokes over with the 'acting' bit. I'll start you off. He was acting as an accountant for 30 years which proves you can fool most of the people all of the time!!! Other jokes welcome.

Manda is assistant photographer in the Communications team and is happily proof reading any reports etc that are thrown her way. She was supposed to have gone 'up country' for a few days, as we locals say, to photograph the opening of some project by the President's wife but just as Manda was about to set off on her 250 mile trip Mrs President called it off.A severe snub to Manda who was keen to go one better than meeting Charlize Theron. Just because I stole the President's thunder at the airport - see my grand arrival above!!!. Sorry Manda.

As for me, to say it has been hectic in the first week is definitely an understatement. There is a ton of work to do with deadlines everywhere. Pressure. Ha. I don't know the meaning of the word. Well actually I do and it does focus the mind quite quickly. Can I also say that the Ugandan team, all 25 or so of them have been great to the two of us and made us very welcome

And so to the first weekend and we don't have the use of a car. The options are 1. walk - it is very safe here 2. Get a taxi or 3. Ride on the back of a Boda Boda ( motor bike) for 50p a trip. We have tried all three and the boda boda is certainly the most exciting, especially carrying your shopping whilst hanging on as the driver avoids the potholes.

Shopping - I will report on this a bit more next time when we have worked out what is around  You may have seen at the end of film credits 'No animals were harmed in the making of this film' well unfortunately in the next blog comment will be made about an animal that was harmed!!! Due warning will be given to look away at the appropriate moment.

Don't the kids look thrilled to be having their picture taken with me? Why don't you think up your own caption and e-mail it to me!!!

  Kampala Festival was on Sunday so off we went and if you have ever been to the Notting Hill Carnival you will know what it was like. Lots of very loud music (showing my age!!) lots of carnival floats and colourful costumes and of course lots of food and drink. Good fun and we ourselves were an attraction as people asked to have photos taken with us. Fame at last for us as wazungu (whites). Mzungu - singular.

So to finish off the first entry quickly, or I'll never finish it, it's Manda's photos at the Festival. We'll be back with another thrilling episode soon:

Another form of transport but one we will not be using. May try bikes ( but as most of you know for me that might not be such a good idea)

Another excited kid!!!

It's party time. A coke and balloon dog. She couldn't be more excited

No words necessary

Good to see that Kampala takes such issues as seriously as South Africa

Farewell for now from sunny Kampala