DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE GERMAN, THE RUSSIAN AND THE ENGLISHMAN?

Hello all

Yes we're back and despite my promise (to Manda and myself that is) to be a bit more frequent in our postings, two months have passed. Very quickly I should add. So I am afraid this will be a bit lengthy, but what else would you rather be doing?

A quick piccie to start of a bird that usually doesn't sit and pose

No it hasn't just been dipped in a tin of paint.

We have settled in well. A bit about our work will follow but first back to the title.

Bear with me it's complicated and you couldn't make it up even if you tried. A German guy who works for one of our Partner NGOs,who I met for the first time for about 20 minutes a couple of weeks ago, asked as he was leaving, whether Manda and I would like to go to a St Andrew's Day ball organised by the Uganda Caledonian Society of which his wife, who is Russian, is the Secretary. Ok I said and a few days later we collected the tickets from an Indian restaurant (obviously). On arrival we find that every Thursday they do Scottish dancing there. So, two hours later after 8 dances and some very spicy Indian snacks we were both knackered. The last time I did country dancing was nearly 50 years ago at school and with my first girl friend, Elizabeth. English, South Africans, Americans, Dutch, Italians, Ugandans, French and even a Scots lady are involved in the society !!!!

The ball which started at 6.30 and finished at 1.00 in the morning was a crazy evening for nearly 200 people with enough wine and whiskey to sink a ship. Jonathan, Anne and any other whisky lovers, Manda will show you the list of lighter fluid, sorry whiskys that were sampled. Thankfully most people also had two left feet so we were not out of place and I only had one of those left feet trodden on. Although I did my best to tread on a few feet too! (The last sentence is Manda's edit so don't believe a word of it).

This is part of the crazy life of the expat in Uganda. For the two of us, who had the safety net of the other volunteers in South Africa to socialise with, we have found the need to be more proactive and get involved. We have joined a community called 'Inter Nations' a worldwide online organisation, which organises local events for interested expats.

In addition as you will all know I am a bit of a thespian and we have found the Kampala Amateur Dramatic Society which conveniently rehearses about 200 yards (or metres if yards confuse you) from where we are living. I am now stage managing the pantomime, Treasure Island at the National Theatre (I trust you are suitably impressed) and Manda is helping out back stage too. Oh yes she is!!!. Strangely enough at the National in London they are also doing Treasure Island. This week will be a very long one as we have rehearsals and five performances to deal with. Oh yes it will!!!

Okay time for some of Manda's pictures. As you would expect we have been out and about in the wilds. First up was a trip to the swamps near Entebbe airport:

A Shoebill with a face only a mother could love

Best picture possible in the middle of a swamp in the pouring rain. A saddlebill stork

Then the Botanical gardens and a trip to the lake where we managed to accidentally cross the border post and were then interrogated by two customs officers. Luckily they realised that we were just two stupid Mzungu (white folk) and actually gave us a guided tour of the port. In the middle of Lake Victoria are the borders with Tanzania and Rwanda. Whoops!!!

Then a trip to Murchison falls and game reserve:

Run away, it's those strange humans

Tower block apartments. One bed studios available

Celebrating Red Nose Day for Comic Relief!!!!!!!! In because a so much sharper picture than the last blog

And finally on the same day as the Caledonian ball at 6.30 in the morning we went to the chimpanzee sanctuary on an island on Lake Victoria. After a thorough rain drenching 45 minutes in a speed boat we arrived. The chimps are all rescued from illegal vendors and owners. They are kept away from humans in a small forest area of the island, to stop the spread of disease both ways, using an electric fence. It is very difficult to let them back into the wild but they are working on various projects to try and do this for some of them. There are about 50 of them and they are amazing to watch. One put his hand up to ask for food to be thrown towards him. Another used sticks to pull food from the wrong side of the fence. If the stick wasn't long enough he found a stick that was. We were only there two hours so we now want to go to a day in the wild where you follow a group from waking up to going to sleep.

I'm not moving so throw the food right here please

Now what did I do with that umbrella?

'That carrot will be mine', and it was

On the work front, things have got a bit complicated when the lady I was standing in for returned much earlier than expected, which is obviously a great thing but left matters regarding my role, up in the air. Thankfully I have been asked to stay on to help her ease back in and so it has been confirmed that we will be here till March as planned.

Both Manda and I have now travelled 'up country' to the North East which is a much drier area than Kampala. The issue of where to drill a borehole is complicated by the terrain and sadly by the politics in the area. There is still conflict between villages and it has been known for wells to be deliberately poisoned which is very sad. In addition villagers need to be trained to maintain facilities as sustainability is the key word. Rain water harvesting is also vital.

School dinners using a eucalyptus leaf as a spoon

Who needs words?????

But it is not just about water. Open defecation is a big problem. Villages try to became 'open defecation free' but this has been misunderstood to mean that you can defecate in the open for free!!!!


Then there are the schools where the toilets are minimal and in a dreadful state. I visited a school set up by the community where there were just two pit latrines for the whole school. The classrooms had no walls and the water supply was from a spring about a kilometre away. Both people and animals  use it for drinking and the villagers use it for washing in it as well.

Does his white skin feel the same as ours? The kids were scared to touch, then they all wanted to have a go!!!

Your water supply for an area covering several kilometres

I look like I am helping but this lady did it all by herself. It is really heavy. 

On a lighter note we had World Toilet Day a week or so ago. I hope when you went to the loo on 19th  November you remembered the millions who don't have facilities. Of course you did.At a comedy club evening for World Toilet day sponsored by WaterAid where Manda and I were the only   'Mzungu' in a crowd of several hundred people, which is a genteel word for white people here, we were the target for every comedian throughout the evening. We knew it was coming, so were happy to accept being the targets with good grace. It was also filmed for Ugandan TV. We will be signing autographs on request.

So what have we Mzungu learned about life in Uganda?

If we do something stupid then a Ugandan will apologise for example I banged my head entering the open classrooms seen above and straight away people said 'sorry'.

The South African 'Eesh' is replaced by 'Ehhhhh'

The word 'what' punctuates many sentences as in 'We have learned WHAT?' pause then the speaker answers themselves continues with their sentence, till the next 'what'. All very disconcerting especially when meeting officials. Add to this, when we think we are speaking clearly i.e. a mixture of cockney/Queens English, nobody understands us!!!

No day is complete without Break Tea. Yes, I have written it correctly. At about 10.30 there is a dash for the kitchen for ginger tea, cassava, peanuts, bread and bananas (the staple food). Around 11.30 our next snack arrives, we order a fruit platter each morning and for about 25p each, we get a platter with a delicious range of fresh fruit. Then around 2pm its lunch time when most people in the office have a hot lunch. Our sandwiches are laughed at.

In rural areas one has to find your way using anthills and mango trees. Signposts are not a requirement nor are road names/numbering or for that matter roads.

 The best time to drive in Kampala or east towards Kenya is not during the day. Kampala drivers are incredibly patient ie no constant hooting. However a single lane road can easily become a three or four lane road very quickly. The quickest way round a roundabout is the wrong way when on a boda boda motorcycle in heavy traffic.

A haircut, well for me a shave and eyebrow trim, costs £1 and you get a head massage thrown in. The best bargain in Kampala.

Well, I've bored you enough,  that is if you actually got to this point. We are home on 23 Dec to 7 Jan and hope to see as many people as possible.

As ever we are available on Skype, email and WHAT (pause) Manda is now a Facebook fanatic as she is not busy all the time. I am busy all the time now, of course.

xxx

Spencer and Manda

PS May we be the first to wish you all Happy Christmas, Chanukah and New Year

And finally:

The poor kids had to listen in the heat to me and about a dozen MPs preaching to them about how to get on in life. 

A strange day when I would rather talk about menstruation than having a conversation about football, but that is how bad the Orient are playing at the moment !!!!!!!!!!!!